A Change in the New World
My family and I moved here from the beautiful island of Jamaica. We settled here rather very quickly into this whole new world. I remember seeing a winter snowstorm sitting outside our window watching this white stuff fall so heavy from the sky. As a kid, we did many things that a family would do. It always seemed like things were good at home, we weren’t perfect either! My parents didn’t get into any details even for any major matters.
We had everything we needed from a home, to food, clothing, and etc. I remember many moments when we went out together as a family we took vacations, went to theme parks, and all sorts of stuff. When it seemed like things would be better, we would get nicer things, better brands of things, etc. I grew up without paying attention to the realization of how challenging becoming an adult could be. At times, I didn’t take things too seriously.
Growing up things weren’t easily laid out or explained. What I didn’t realize or value were queues or clues of information that surrounded me. Unfortunately, I didn’t utilize best of my abilities or actions in the wisest of ways.
My parents did the best they could with what they knew. I didn’t realize how difficult adulthood can really be. Nor did I pay attention to the efforts and hard work that my parents like other parents try to do.
My Adulthood-Short Story
While living with my parents my father particularly at the time, was very strict. Looking back now, I’ve grown to realize that my father really loved me. He believed in morals, values, principles, and standards. Things I took for granted. It wasn’t until I became an adult myself and that’s when it hit me.
From a Christian home with biblical perspectives, we were living concise. Our lifestyle was more of a stern approach with a classic twist.
At that time, it was a form of discipline that I found difficult to accept. The older I got, the more I went to church. As my teenage years started to approach the comparatives from environments were so off between my church life, school life, and home life. I couldn’t find a complete match. Home life was about family, both my parents worked a lot. Church life was about God and doing things to please him or you were going to hell. School life, well, that became an open grounds for everything I couldn’t do at home which felt like letting loose and being free.
There were moments I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. There were times I couldn’t fit in so well at school and I always felt different among others. The Biblical principals I grew up with had a completely different perspective then most people or environment I was surrounded. Through some of it’s teachings, I lived in fear most of my life. Although I still did a lot of foolishness.
We should know that, adulthood comes with major responsibilities. In order to enjoy that part of your journey one should be aware and prepare for it. I believe the preparation is key and foundational during our youth.
As a child, many times I was considered a problem. I thought I was lovable, funny, full of high energy. But, I was also expressive. I saw good in me, but it somehow wasn’t so easily understood.
So, I grew up pleasing others trying to fit in and be accepted. Now, after having children of my own, facing trials and challenges. I’ve gotten to learn and realize the value and importance of life.
Here’s a Side Note From My Perspectives and Experience:
A child could be considered a “problem”, simply by being a kid with little sense of direction, expectations, guidance, understanding, patience, or goals. That took me sometime to learn.
During my early years of school, I was often laughed at, even bullied. I was called names, and all sorts of stuff. I assumed by some of the things said, it was due to our cultural differences. Things like my size, my hair, my cloths, and a few other things were what stood out. This further led me into “trying” to impress others, not being myself, forgetting about myself, and doing things to fit in.
I consider my early years of myself acting childish. When my teenage years came. From there, I believe all the thoughts and opinions of what others said about me literally became my reality.
I payed no attention to my journey and the possible future outcomes. I didn’t consider what could happen in the long run. This further developed into greater mayhems and then after realizing. I led myself into an emotional wreck.
When I got older, I was determined to have everything on my own to be able to take care of myself and take my family too. At the early age of 11yrs old, I began working. I delivered the newspaper in my neighborhood. When I was able to really start making a stable income of my own. That’s when it became all about fun, doing things on my own, going out often, etc. I guess you could say I developed a sense of feeling free. Ever since then, I didn’t stop working until after having my first child in my late twenties.
The American Dream
Things like the magazines, movies, shows, music videos, and social “perfectionism” some how influenced me to achieve the so called “American Dream”, and have the so called “American Image”. The dream a lot of people talk about or work hard to achieve.
Things like looking good, becoming rich, having a nice career, nice car, the perfect job, being your own boss, getting married, perfect husband, having children, living in the perfect home with the white picket fence, and a dog. I used to think that those were the only desires for me. I thought that meant things would be great and life would turn out fine.
But what I found in the process was a real reality check. After achieving these desires except being rich, although I usually have had a good amount of income. When it was lucrative, I didn’t manage or use my income wisely.
Anyway, at a point being financially comfortable. I found that I was empty. At some point, it felt surreal. The life living seemed different from many people around me. I was married, had a beautiful home, children but I wasn’t happy or should I say I wasn’t content.
Something was missing, something didn’t feel right. When I got married and settled into parenting bought our first home. Things drastically changed and I didn’t know how to handle it. It was very shocking to me. Ever since then, I was on a path hoping for change and growth forever.
When I stopped working and became a full time mom, financially things changed. Due to the pitfalls in my marriage, this became difficult for me to accept. I started to self reflect as someone financially independent to someone as a dependent.
At the time my husband worked a lot of hours. Me having flexible hours in my schedule, being home as a mom solely taking care of our children. I became disarrayed.
I tried for the longest to seem ok and act like nothing was wrong. But I was in a world of confusion. I was hurt, hurting myself and others. I felt lost trying to find my way to figure things out by myself. I began realizing how much I was disgusted by so much. Something deep down inside of me couldn’t and wouldn’t live like this. I am a warrior and I became determined to figure it out.
Everything I thought to be the greatest times of my life as a women. Instead, had turned out to feel like the worst periods of my life.
Tip
Side Note: It is important to be educated before making a decision or else it may not be the greatest outcome or what you expected, this can be problematic. When you jump into things without having any idea of what you’re doing or even why you’re doing it. It’s possible you could be bound for disaster. If you are not mentally prepared to handle the situation at hand, it’s possible to totally go downhill from there.
That doesn’t mean there’s no hope. You can still develop a strong will and use your downfalls as valuable lessons to learn from and grow. Then you can use your experience/s to help others to do better for themselves and then they can be better for others.
This my luvs, is the discovery of justkadia.com. This created to gain a better understanding about Life, with Light, and Love.
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